Abbock [not yet defined]
Accoo (n): The phenomenon where noises appear louder (e.g. a key in a lock, creaky floorboards) when an individual is attempting to be quiet so as not to wake others in the household. A common misconception is that by breathing louder, the volume of noise is subdued.
Akbud [not yet defined]
Amphim [not yet
defined]
Angbrith (n): The smell of pubs
consisting of tobacco smoke, alcohol and food. Apart from entering the pub, it
is usually experienced in the form of whiffs as you pass near to such an
establishment, or on someone's clothes, as in "he's been in the pub again, you
can smell the angbrith".
Angroon [not yet defined]
Anklip [not
yet defined]
Ant Day
(n): The day of the year (usually July 28th) when the swarming of ants
takes place. Ant day is always associated with elderly persons carrying kettles
of boiling water outside and long streaks of white powder visible around the
bottom course of bricks on houses (but usually bungalows). Also known as Antlemas.
Antlemas (n): See Ant
Day.
Axmiller [not
yet defined]
Ballfigg [not yet
defined]
Balloova (n): Singular and
plural noun for the 'puffy' type jackets which are designed and made for polar
expeditions. However these are most frequently seen being worn by rap stars
getting interviewed on MTV even though they are undoubtedly under very hot
studio lights.
Barnkett [not yet defined]
Beleth [not yet
defined]
Bendoo (adj): Usually placed after
the verb, to describe the violent movement of poorly secured machinery e.g. a
badly levelled washing machine during its spin cycle, as in "Sammy, can you do
something about that washer please, it's going absolutely bendoo out there! It's
like R2-D2 break-dancing in the kitchen!"
Benjvollace (v): The act of pressing the
'snooze' button on one's alarm clock on a work-day morning in order to have a
further nine minutes of sleep. Repeated benjvollacing can lead to exceeding the
laquive
which will result in lateness for work.
Bermice bermute (n): The period of
anticipation experienced during a televised nature programme when soil,
undergrowth etc. is being disturbed prior to the viewer having sight of the
source, and before the narrator comments on the source.
Bettim (n): When perforations in the plies of toilet
paper are out of phase, usually occurring after flargette.
Bim
(v): Spelling variation of bym.
Binf
(n):
In a stethim of youngsters, an individual who is
not coupled off. This usually results in him/her looking uncomfortable and
wanting to look at others in the group (to see how its done) but doesn’t look
too much due to embarrassment.
See also krasp.
Binstridge (n): The residue left when sauce-coated
pasta is spilt onto a surface subsequent to the pasta being retrieved. Also
applies to saucy splatters from pasta with an excessive aspect ratio such as
spaghetti or linguini.
Blendu [not yet defined]
Blengthipp [not yet defined]
Blenkrin [not yet defined]
Blithbass [not yet defined]
Blockle (n): A mark on a wall caused by a door
handle or knob being repeatedly knocked against it over a period of time due
to munting. Ultimately, this can cause more than
just cosmetic damage. In extreme cases, the skin of the wall can be penetrated
to reveal the cavity (or laths in old walls) behind.
Bloodack [not yet defined]
Bloof (v): The act of repeating back to someone
something they actually told you in the past, and it usually starts with
"did you know..."
Bloofag [not yet defined]
Bloorkin [not yet defined]
Bloyvis (n): The animal form of embarrassment
(e.g. when a cat falls of a wall). As most animals’ faces are hirsute (as well
as having limited facial expressions) bloyvis is expressed in body language
(such as keeping the head close to the ground, and scurrying to where they cannot
be observed).
Bluradeth [not yet defined]
Bolgag [not yet defined]
Bongath (n): The alga-like substance that grows
between two overlapping sections of translucent corrugated roofing plastic used
to cover a lean-to or other temporary structure.
Bontash (n): The metallic taste one gets when
licking the terminals of a 9-volt battery.
Boodenvorp [not yet defined]
Boolin (n,i): When overtaking a lorry on a motorway, the lorry obscures
your view to a road sign due to the relative speeds of the lorry and yourself.
Bordegg [not yet defined]
Brackoe [not yet defined]
Branducha [not yet defined]
Bregatus (n): The lousy, god-awful, screeching row
generated by childrens' school bands, especially those containing more than
the usual compliment of recorders and violins. Bregatus is most commonly encountered
at school Christmas concerts where parents sit about and pretend to like what
they're hearing and going "ooohh!" and "aaahhh, look!". There is usually a high
probability of drubbis occurring at these events.
Brelling (pr. prtpl): The act of repeating oneself
when drunk to press home a point of view during a bar-room debate. Phrases uttered
during brelling are normally preceded by "As I say..." or "I take your point,
but...." and are usually said in response to a particularly valid point presented
by a less drunk member of the party.
Bremphast [not yet defined]
Brendoocha [not yet defined]
Brennad (n): The aroma of warm electronic components
and circuit boards that emanates from the rear of old tellies.
Brewkent [not yet defined]
Brondle (n): A sign placed in the rear window
of a car which 'alerts' the driver behind that there is a baby or child being
carried within said vehicle. These can range from the more straightforward 'child
on board' or 'baby on board' varieties to more puke-worthy examples such as
'cheeky monkey on board' or the stomach-churning 'little princess on board'.
These are ostensibly to warn the driver behind that there is a vulnerable member
of the species being carried and that they should back off. However in reality
they are statements to the effect "Hey! Look at me everyone! I've reproduced!"
and grant licence to the driver of the car bearing the brondle to drive like
a complete arsehole. Driving a car bearing a brondle without having a small
child on board at the time is called vlibbing.
Brovastigan [not yet defined]
Brullo [not yet defined]
Bui [not yet defined]
Bulph (v): To wretch or bork as a result of smelling
something horrible (of positive grouquage).
Characteristics of bulphing are tightly pursed lips, alarmingly wide eyes and
cheeks puffed out like Satchmo.
Bumfagg [not yet defined]
Bym (v): On public transport with facing seats, the act
of looking at the individual facing you using the reflection in the glass.
C
Caroop [not yet defined]
Cat's
bum: (1) (n): Specifically, the dark bumpy circular piece at the
bottom of an unpeeled banana, so called because that's what it looks like. (c.f.
dhoum
and snedgen).
Cat's bum (2) (n): Derivation from, and a generalisation of Cat's bum
(1), and is the end of any long item of food which is usually less desirable
than the central portion, e.g. the end of a garlic baguette. Cat's bum (3)
(n): again, derived from Cat's bum (1) and (2),and is something that is
frustratingly poor, as in "oh, my butties are all squashed! That's the cat's bum
that is!".
Chamfoona (n): A long
bladed kitchen knife made blunt by excessive use, especially in a self-catering
facility.
Cheppley (adj): Used to
describe collective attributes of an object which are akin to facial features
such as two eyes and a mouth, two eyes and a nose, or all of the above e.g. the
front of a car. As in "look at the cheppleyness of that Morris Minor, it looks
just like Felicity Kendal!"
Chobbley
(adj): Descriptive of weather conditions which are not especially
warm or cool, dry or damp, windy or calm. These conditions can rarely elicit any
comment or observation, even from the English who are experts at discussing the
weather. Therefore, inevitably, there is a word for it, as in "Hmmm, it's a bit
chobbley today isn't it?"
Choibe (n):
The bite-size cuboidal section of meat, especially steak, cut to place in the
mouth for chewing. To qualify as a choibe, the cut section must have vertices
which are no more than 1.5 times the length of any other vertex i.e. it must
remain within certain parameters of cuboidity.
Cleg (n):
The bony protuberance on the bridge of an already promenant nose which exacerbates
the overall magnitude of the olfactory organ. The British Royal Family have
probably the finest collection of clegs anywhere in the world.
Cloytoosh [not yet defined]
Clowd [not yet defined]
Cludmuel [not yet defined]
Clumdinn [not yet defined]
Clush (v): The act of avoiding acknowlegement of
a colleague when walking towards one another (e.g. in a long corridor) until
the last possible moment to avoid the embarrassing silent period had the acknowledgement
occurred earlier. Clushing techniques include pretending to read documents,
looking at posters (which have never been of interest before) and removing imaginary
pen marks from one’s hands.
Collimph [not yet defined]
Corroom [not yet defined]
Coyampula (n, medic): The contracting action
of the scrotum when placed in a cold environment.
Creddinn [not yet defined]
Creeth (v): The action of poking the end of
ones tongue into the hitherto inaccessible gaps between ones teeth, after one
has undergone a session at the oral hygienist. This commonly leads to an irritation
of the tip of the tongue known as ledlicht.
Crelf [not yet defined]
Crench
(n): The internal door lock button in a car.
Crinniss (v): The act of using one's face
to imitate the front/back of a car, or the window in a front door. Crinnissing
is usually acompanied by a groan which fits the facial expression. Compare with
Cheppley.
Crid [not yet defined]
Crompit [not yet defined]
Crontigon (n): A small box-shaped structure
seen commonly in take-away food shops (mostly prevalent in Chinese take-aways)
usually placed in front of the window, and is inevitably used as a seat by waiting
customers. Many feel that this box contains spirutual essense which enhances
the taste of the food, as well as bringing luck to all consumers. Others think
it merely contains the electric meter.
Croompa [not yet defined]
Crumphus [not yet defined]
Cubdin (n): The smell emitted from a pneumatic
tyres during deflation, and is akin to the smell of old men's trousers (such
as dabroompers).
D
Dabroompers (n,
pl): The outrageously oversized trousers with large waists worn by elderly
men, which are tailored specifically to cover the sweg.
Degsters (n, pl): a pair of trousers (commonly
faded jeans), of weary appearance which do not assist in making their wearer
look flattering. Usually, there is some bagginess involved (e.g. round the
calves or round the waist).
Denburk [not yet
defined]
Dhoum
(n): The uppermost part of a peeled banana. The bit that gets eaten
first (c.f. snedgen,
cat's
bum).
Dottskin [not yet defined]
Dramk [not yet
defined]
Drubbis (n): Exhibiting slightly
pouted lips, usually associated with being reprimanded (especially as with a
child) or showing submission. It can also be a result of contorted facial
expressions repeated over a long period of time, such as that experienced by a
Vlejka.
Drullomp (n): An onomatopoeic word for a particular
drum-fill which is frequently used to accentuate the punchline of jokes, as in
"...so the gynecologist said to the lesbian "that's got to be the cleanest one
I've ever seen in my life!" and the lesbian said "yes, I have a woman in three
times a week!"" (drullomp-tish!).
Dza
(i): An expression of disgust or disatisfaction. An example of its use is
if the railway tannoy operator announces a prolonged delay of an individual's
train: "Dza!"
Dzenk [not yet defined]
E
Eggid (n): The
golden-brown aura that establishes itself around an unflushed turd.
Eight-limbed Phruff (n): The
ultimate in negativity, worse than death itself. An eight-limbed phruff is
performed by two people carrying out the phruff
action with all limbs. (Origin: one night in a club, it was announced that the
bar no longer had supplies of Newcastle Brown Ale).
Flap-foot (n,i): Lateral peroneal nerve palsy. The
condition whereby the sufferer exhibits both excessive knee extension and ankle
floppiness during walking which leads to flapping of the lower leg. The late
John Thaw, when playing Inspector Morse, exhibited this condition. Can also
be used as a taunt directed toward such an individual.
Flargette (n): The struggle experienced sometimes
when starting a new toilet roll. Not only can this lead to wastage of unsoiled
paper, it can also lead to bettim.
Floom (n): The cloud of gas which is released
upon sitting on a cushioned chair which has previously had a trump done on it.
The gas is deployed by the first sitter, and becomes trapped in the interstitial
spaces of the cushion fibres. It is released when the next sitter places his
bottom on the cushion and compresses it. The fragrance of floom then has characteristics
akin to both the original aroma of the fart with the added esscence of the chair
fibres. The act of deploying the fart within the chair with the express desire
of inflicting the floom on a victim is known as frepping.
Flusk(v): To accept the offer of someone opening
a door for you without you expressing any acknowledgement or gratitude. Common
example: "I've just been flusked by that ignorant chap from Room 453". Also
see varuche.
Folitophally [not yet defined]
Foscus (n): The period (usually in the male of
the species) when eyebrow hairs start to thicken and nasal hair has a tendency
to grow long and stiff. The onset of foscus is usually around one's late 20s.
Fosh (v): The act of avoiding eye contact on public
transport. This inevitably leads to bymming.
Fremdum [not yet defined]
Frempth [not yet defined]
Frepping (pr. prtpl): The act of deploying
a fart within a chair cushion with the express desire of inflicting floom
on a victim.
G
Ganctum (n): The mixture of ear-wax, sweat, sebum
and dead skin cells that collects in and around telephone ear pieces.
Ghroivar (n): A small and fairly pointless dull
metalic lidded recepticle (supposedly for litter) found between seats on coaches,
trains and aeroplanes, which has the capacity to hold a small sweet wrapper.
Empirical evidence suggests that after a while, the inside of the recepticles
inevitably acrue a black residue. Furthermore, the presence of ghroivars in
vehicles increases the cleaning costs, which is subsequently reflected in the
price.
Ginch (n):
The monies (usually coinage) that drinking friends have available to burn i.e.
to stick in the quiz machine or fruity.
Glendis (v): The act of inverting the Rook in a standard
chess set to signify the presence of a second Queen; (n): The inverted
rook itself.
Glissum (n): The embarrassing process of going
through one’s post-urination ritual, which usually occurs as a result of larmuss.
Gloorgfedd [not yet defined]
Gloorm [not yet defined]
Gloose (n): The dilemma as to whether to squeeze a
blackhead; one has to weigh up the benefits of a clear pore against the formation
of acne.
Gludden [not yet defined]
Glun [not yet defined]
Gluxom [not yet defined]
Goolph [not yet defined]
Gorrach [not yet defined]
Grastew [not yet defined]
Gree-id
notching (pr. ptpl): The action when one glances back at a deployed
turd after delivery.
Griphist [not yet defined]
Grith [not yet defined]
Gropstrepp [not yet defined]
Grouquage (n): Degree of smell niceness,
the unit being the Grouque (Gq).
Grouque
(n): The unit of smell niceness, or Grouquage (Gq). This is a
dimensionless coefficient as it is the log of the ratio of bad smells to good
smells in the vicinity. Pleasant aromas are negative, neutral aromas are
approximately equal to zero, and god-awful stenches are positive. Following
examples are: Roses in bloom=-21; Mussett= 0; post-curry flatulence=24; wormy
dog-poo= 89; 2-month old milk=141.
Ham-ears (n,i): Term applied to a person, or a
person's condition, whose ears have become enlarged and lengthened due to old
age and the resultant effects of gravity over the years. The condition results
in the outer ear structure, or pinna, resembling a side of ham. Can also be used
as a taunt directed toward such an individual, as in "Oi, ham-ears! Put them
away mate, I'm starving!"
Hanvle (n):
The brassy whiff present on one’s hand following the use of a metal handle or
knob.
Harhum (n):
Onomatopoeia. The imaginary sound produced when squeezing a breast. Can also
be used as an alert to ones chums that a woman with particularly large or pert
breasts has entered the room.
[Derivation: from the sound
emitted by, and bulbous shape of, the antiquated type of car horn commonly used
to great comic effect in Laurel and Hardy movies].
The degree of size and/or pertness
of breast has a bearing on the pitch and timbre of the harhum. For instance, a
woman entering the room who has small but particularly pert breasts may elicit a
harhum which is fairly high pitched (as Alan Ball would no doubt emit).
Conversely, a lady with huge breasts entering the room will cause a harhum to be
emitted which is more Brian Blessed i.e. deep and resounding, .
Harmp
[not yet defined]
Hauzil (v): The act of an object or person being
soiled soon after being cleaned. For example bird poo or loomis
on a clean car ("oh bugger, the car's been hauzilled!"), or doing a poo soon
after a bath or shower ("tut! I've just hauzilled").
Hebbid (n): A smear which cannot be removed by water
and soft brush alone (or in the case of a motor vehicle, windscreen wash and
wipers).
Helmscribble [not yet defined]
Hemblewt [not yet
defined]
Herbitt [not yet defined]
Herrisgophillus [not yet
defined]
High-head (1) (n,i): Term applied to a person, or a
person's condition, whose height of forehead represents greater than about 40%
of the total front elevation of their head, giving the impression of a really
high head. Can also be used as a taunt directed toward such an individual, as in
"Hey, high-head! Shown any films on your forrid recently mate?" Should be
easily distinguishable from...
High-head (2) (n):
One who has elevated hair on the top of his/her head, and is treated as a
disorder, as in "look at William, he's suffering from high-head". Sufferers of
high head leave themselves open to wugsst.
Hilcimum
[not yet defined]
Hompher
(n): Any apparatus which amplifies sound, either mechanically (as in
a gramaphone horn) or electrically (as in a loud speaker).
Homswallet (n): A derisive term directed towards
a friend or work colleague. Note that this term is never directed towards a
stranger.
Hoom (n):
A streetlight which has only just come on and is glowing with a deep red-orange
colour. From the noise made by such a piece of street furniture in this state.
Horg [not yet defined]
Horvience (n): The state of being horvient.
Horvience (i): Used to express an emotion either of agreement, indifference,
or as a substitute for an expletive.
Horvient (adj): Possessing one or more sharp curves.
Note - a saxophone is the epitome of horvience.
Houlth (n): Onomatopoeic word for the sound of stone against
stone.
Hristo [not yet defined]
Hulm [not yet defined]
Humbly
Growler (n): A turd which involves a painful or angry deployment,
occuring at breathtaking speed and requiring the facial expression of the 'slam
in the lamb' man gurning like the grill of a Ford Anglia motor vehicle.
Hummooz (n): The English equivalent of the Spanish
siesta i.e. having a sleep in the mid-afternoon when you should really be doing
something useful like work.
Hute [not yet defined]
I
Ibkok [not yet defined]
Iggbrud [not yet
defined]
Ijk (v): Pronounced 'ike', the act of Dutch supporters
(especially in football) of collectively oscillating from left to right in their
seats to the rhythm of a communally sung tune. This was particularly prevalent
in Euro 2000. Ijking on such a big scale will inevitably lead to piljing.
Irrimum
[not yet defined]
J
Jackimp [not yet defined]
Jeraster (n): An occasion when one's pace is
hastened on a narrow stairway or corridor, due to the sound of an individual
behind you who is clearly walking faster.
Jowkent [not yet
defined]
Juberast [not yet defined]
Jungblutt [not yet
defined]
Kertis (n): The smell of dried saliva on a
baby's head (of somewhat positive grouquage)
due to the baby slobbering on his or her bed sheet and once dried, the baby
rubbing its head in the dried patch.
Ketulis ketula (n): Latin for kettle e.g.
"Lucius, loco ketulis ketula in!" - literally "Put the kettle on
Lucius!".
Klellitt (v): The act of catching skin, especially
genitalia, in a zip fastener.
Klengril [not yet defined]
Kloofwop (v): The act of using a piece of
food to pick up other food, such as using naan bread or chapati to gather curry
and rice, or using a sausage to scoop out the meaty bit of a steak and kidney
pie.
Klybew [not yet defined]
Klypsy (n): The unexplainable phenomenon (usually experienced by
males) where an object directly infront of an individual cannot be seen, e.g.
husband has trouble spotting objects in a fridge, which can clearly be seen
by wife.
Krasp (a):
Used to describe amorous embraces often seen in youngsters who look slightly
awkward due to their inexperience and naivety in such matters. It usually
consists of walking along with the male's arm around the female's shoulder, and
the female's arm around the male's waist, or when stationary, the male faces the
female with loins close together and arms on each other’s shoulders.
See also binf and stethim.
Kreboolish (n): Card game originating in the Steppes
of Russia. The objective of Kreboolish is to attain the highest value cards
in each suit. The winner is the player with the highest collective score. The
losing players then have to eat all of their cards.
Kzem (n, prop): The Czech form of the
Christian name 'Sam'.
L
Lamazan [not yet defined]
Laquive (n): The period of time that one can get away
with benjvollacing
before lateness for work results, which is usually a multiple of 9 minutes.
Larmuss (n): A condition where one’s bladder
cannot be emptied due to psychological pressure, such as a queue or the presence
of other person(s). Also known as stage fright. See loy
and glissum.
Ledlicht (n): The irritation of the end of
the tongue resulting from creeth, or a prolonged
bout of 'tuppence-licking'.
Lellintrote (n): The gradual diminuendo of
a lengthy fart which never quite reaches the lower threshold of human hearing.
Lengsdrick [not yet defined]
Lenile [not yet defined]
Lermiter (n): Any undesirable object that adheres
to the sole of the shoe such as canine faeces or the lid of a yoghurt carton.
Liddy (n,i):
Term applied to any person with either a natural comb-over or a voodelgorm
which is unsecured on one side and thus prone to lifting in windy conditions.
This can resemble a lid raising and lowering on the top of the head, hence the
name. This term can also be used as an amusing taunt directed toward the liddy,
as in "Oi! Liddy! Get some Brylcream on!"
Lilm [not yet defined]
Lillke [not yet defined]
Lishpher (v): The act of an individual walking into a room where others are
laughing, and feeling he needs to join in with smiling/laughing without knowing
what the others are laughing about.
Lobbin - see Ponk
and Lobbin
Loimess [not yet defined]
Lollinticken(n): The central 'axle' of
a chocolate orange left once the segments have been consumed.
Long-head
(n,i): Term applied to a person, or a person's condition, whose head
aspect ratio is large due to excessive length in the y-direction, giving a rise
to a prolate shape of head. Nicholas Lyndhurst of 'Only Fools and Horses' fame
is a prime example of a long-head. Can also be used as a taunt directed toward
such an individual.
Longsquat (n,i): An optical illusion that occurs
when an individual seems to have a squat-head
from the back, but on viewing the front, he/she is a long-head;
can also be used as a taunt directed toward such an
individual.
Lontrabeg [not yet defined]
Loomis (n): The sticky substance that appears on a
car after parking under a tree. Also known as tree-poo.
An attempt to clean the window can either be successful or can result in hebbid.
Looprin
[not yet defined]
Loy (n): An occasion when
two acquaintances simultaneously enter the urinal area of a male toilet, and
experience an uncomfortable mutual silence. Frequently, a natural tendency is to
begin futile conversation. Either way, larmuss
can occur, which usually results in glissum.
M
Maddox (n): The
body odour (of positive grouquage)
produced following excessive perspiration caused by nervous activity, as in "I'm
glad that's over but I've now got a severe case of the Maddox". Yollique
may then be required to ensure that colleagues, friends or family don't refer to
you as a "smelly get".
Mankvee [not yet defined]
Marinsta [not yet defined]
Meltuss [not yet defined]
Mentig [not yet defined]
Miggid (adj): Adjective describing a thing or
situation which is far beyond contempt or absolutely rotten to the core e.g.
"I can't believe Essien got away with that foul on Hamann, it was absolutely
miggid!"
Miggon (n): The mental and physical strength attained
to withstand (usually bodily) smells of positive grouquage
from individuals you wish not to offend.
Millentash (v): The act of removing the ink reservoir
of a felt tip pen, usually to facilitate colouring in a large area more quickly.
Milvth [not yet defined]
Mimblett (n): The nondescript embroidered
design sewn into the back pockets of denim jeans.
Mincimun [not yet defined]
Mingtrap (n): The colloquial term for the u-bend
under most domestic sinks which is designed to prevent smells from emanating
from one's plughole.
Mintum
(adj): Used to describe a cord (usually electrical) which is contorted
due to the fact it has undergone twisting in one direction over a period of
time (for example a telephone cord, or the wire to a hair dryer). Strangely,
this occurs predominantly on equipment used by females.
Mirripp [not yet defined]
Moindin [not yet defined]
Momb (n): Pronounced 'moom', a swelling of the area
immediately north of a man's genitals. It is a portmanteau word formed from
'man' and 'womb' to describe an incipient form of sweg.
Mombidden (adj): Pronounced 'moombidden', to describe
an individual who is well on his way to attaining a momb.
Moofly (adj): The texture one experiences when plunging
ones hands into a container of polystyrene packaging chips.
Mooja [not yet defined]
Mookrin (n): Pronounced 'mukrin', singular and
plural noun for the elongated marks which adhere to the porcelain after flushing
away turds. Also known as poo-stripes.
Mool [not yet defined]
Morbatol [not yet defined]
Moydal [not yet defined]
Mullgust (n): The rubbishy aroma which emanates
from people's bins when left out for the binmen on hot days.
Mulwhiffle (v,i): An exclamation (of aggressive
tone, or otherwise) directed towards an individual with unruly and untrimmed
facial hair, and especially when the width of the beard is greatest at jaw level.
The key to successful mulwhiffling is to avoid any kind of acknowlegement (e.g.
eye contact should be avoided). It is a term for personal amusement rather than
abuse.
Munt (v): The action of overestimating the force
required to open a door. This results in the door opening both rapidly and uncontrollably,
and usually causes a blockle.
Mussett (n): The musty smell experienced when
rain starts to fall after a sustained period of dry weather.
Mype [not yet defined]
N
Ngk (n):
Onomatopoeia. The noise produced when tightening a plastic bolt in order to
seal plastic fittings.
Nilphus [not yet
defined]
Nollen (n, anat.): The pimples on
the inside of the nostrils which arise mainly from plucking of the nasal
hair.
Noorsht (i): In the Russian
province of Kaliningrad, used in a similar way as "shhhhhhh" in English to
beseech quietness, as in "Noorsht Alexei, we must hide in this cupboard until
they have gone!"
Numus (n): Recent
biomass and organic detritus which collects on the forest floor and has not yet
been acted upon by fauna to produce humus.
Oaty Skittler (n): A turd which is
coarsely textured and slightly speckled (oat factor) in nature and has to be
animated in some way so as to cause a noticeable audible effect.
Obsk (v, Russian.): The act of reviewing the state
of toilet paper on each wipe after defecation.
Ojkin [not yet defined]
Olk [not yet defined]
Olwick [not yet defined]
Oolesque [not yet defined]
Oolm [not yet defined]
Orruum [not yet defined]
Ott (v): The deliberate missing of one's turn to purchase
a round of drinks by feigning the need to urinate, as in "He's always otting
out of his rounds that Sam Wilkinson is! Oh well, I'll get them in, what are
you having?".
P
Pappeen
(n): The sound produced when baked leavened food - such as sliced bread
or naan bread - is smote across the cheek of an unsuspecting
victim.
Phloppatis [not yet defined]
Phrampley [not yet
defined]
Phruff (n):
A simultaneous action of a sharp exhalation of air from ones mouth along with
a distinct downward movement of the open hand to indicate annoyance or disagreement
with an issue. Also see eight-limbed
phruff.
Phrunge (v): The act of transferring to another
toilet cubicle once thoibin has occurred. This
is usually characterised by waiting until the toilets are empty and quickly
shuffling to another cubicle with undies and trousers (or skirt) round the ankles.
Time is of the essence, as not only would one not want to be seen phrunging,
but a speedy manouver is paramount if one is suffering from the runs (for obvious
reasons).
Phub (n): Onomatopoeia. The sound produced when
striking the open end of a hollow plastic tube with the palm of ones hand, c.f.
Ubf.
Pilj (v): The act of two adjacent individuals ijking
out of phase, leading to a collision which can result in serious injury.
Pilloob (i): Spelling variation of pilube.
Pilube(s) (n): The tiny strands of vulcanised material
that project from the side-walls of tyres which result from the injection moulding
process.
Plath (n): In cookery, a thin section of mushroom
cut for adding to stews etc. From the poet Sylvia Plath and her famous poem
"Mushrooms".
Plesch [not yet defined]
Ploomic [not yet defined]
Ploort (v): The act of spraying the contents of
ones mouth over whoever/whatever happens to be nearest due to hearing something
dead funny.
Poblin [not yet defined]
Pockle (n): A very small hill, somewhere in between
the size of a drumlin and a tumulus.
Pollidge (v):
The act of making irregular stomping or shuffling sounds with one's feet whilst
walking behind someone in a restrained environment (e.g work) to get them to
turn round inquisitively.
Polluph [not yet defined]
Pondinn [not yet defined]
Ponk and Lobbin (i): A term used to dismiss
a point or argument that has a sound foundation, but you don’t want to agree
with, for personal reasons. Good use of Ponk and Lobbin confuses/distracts the
person supporting the point, as in the following example:
Prime Minister: “Due to lack of funding, there will be job cuts across the whole
of the Civil Service, but especially in the HSE”;
Truculent MP: “That’s complete Ponk and Lobbin!”;
Prime minister: “Erm…sorry…Ponk and…?”;
Truculent MP: “…Lobbin! You know, Theodore Ponk and Vernon Lobbin!”;
(Prime minister frowns);
Truculent MP [with a ‘what an idiot’ look on his face]: “Tut. You know, rhyming
slang!”
Prime Minister: “Erm….where was I…. oh yes, hospitals….”.
Poo-stripes (n): See mookrin.
Poragus (n): The total internal voidage volume
fraction, f, of breakfast cereal, especially fibrous varieties such as
Weetabix. The bulk density, rb, and skeletal density,
rs, of the cereal are then related by the equation
rb = rs (1- f).
Prantice (n): The pseudo-friendly preamble with one's boss which
occurs prior to a bollocking. This is usually initiated at the outset of the
meeting by the bollockee (who suspects strongly that they're in for a bit of a
roasting) in a futile attempt to steer the agenda in a more favourable
direction. The bollocker will usually play along with this opening gambit for a
few minutes before becoming jaded and will then launch into the bollocking
proper.
Prellint [not yet defined]
Prenbort [not yet defined]
Prilljet [not yet defined]
Prollice (n): An occasion when one or more people
are waiting for something to happen, which subsequently happens, but only once
evasive action has been initiated, e.g. camera timers.
Proop [not yet defined]
Pulg [not yet defined]
Pulleger (n): An exhaust pipe; also, that which is
emitted from an exhaust pipe.
Punph (v): The act of
applying sufficient pressure on a fine-nibbed felt tip pen so that the tip
recedes into the pen housing. This results in the user only being able to use
the pen at a mutually perpendicular angle to the page. Inevitably, this leads to
millentashing.
Pyche
[not yet defined]
Q
Queeber [not yet defined]
Quiffle
[not yet defined]
Quillepp [not yet defined]
R
Rabbadacka (n): Onomatopoeia. The sound made
by a railway train when passing over sets of points.
Rabbadisimo [not yet defined]
Remalk [not yet defined]
Rillint [not yet defined]
Rimmfed [not yet defined]
Rollid (v): The act of an entertainer (especially
a comedian) returning to centre stage (or back to his/her seat etc.) after carrying
out an action as part of the act (e.g. walking across the stage with an unusual
gait). Usually, rolliding occurs with a slow, purposeful, large-strided action,
whilst looking to the floor.
Rombath [not yet defined]
Romphilk [not yet defined]
Ropey
Stoat (n): A short, stumpy turd, baked like a Malt Loaf. It is also
essential that this animal lies quite motionless at the bottom of the u-bend,
like an octopus waiting to strike.
Rullix (v): When an individual mis-hears the
lyrics to the song, for example "Tommy Wire, I don't like Mondays"
instead of "tell me why I don't like Mondays" and "The wheels
are white", instead of "Louie Louie" and the perennial "Excuse
me while I kiss this guy" instead of "Excuse me while I kiss the sky".
("Oh no, I've rullixed those lyrics").
Rumbogg [not yet defined]
Rumph [not yet defined]
Runjin [not yet defined]
Ruumax [not yet defined]
Rypur [not yet defined]
S
Schrenge (n): Water seepage through a wall or
rockface due to a high water table.
Schrobber [not yet defined]
Scriv (v): When hand-writing a sign or banner,
the act of cramping up the last few letters due to being over-liberal with the
spacing between earlier letters.
Senge (n): The rush of dank air which precedes
the arrival of an underground train. Also known as the Bakerloo Breeze.
Shroggin [not yet defined]
Sidcrab (v): The act of changing lanes on the
motorway without going over the Cat's Eyes.
Skittor [not yet defined]
Sluff mungler (n): An individual of
rather shabby or slobby appearance, usually with a slightly curved back, who
also usually leaves a cloud of cigar/cigarette smoke in their wake. (E.g.
Lieutenant Columbo).
Sly-eye
(n): When an individual looks at another looking right out of the corner
of his/her eye. Ron Mael of the 70s band 'Sparks' used sly-eye to great effect.
Overuse of this technique can lead to the severing of all or part of the optic
nerve.
Slyke (n): In angling, the 'S'
shaped curve of a fly-fishing line traced out as the angler casts out the fly
onto the water. The slyke is formed just after the casting backswing is at its
zenith.
Snedgen (n): The piece of
banana at the base of the fruit which is usually left uneaten and discarded
along with the skin. (c.f. dhoum,
cat's
bum).
Sobbic [not yet defined]
Somp [not yet
defined]
Sphralgus [not yet defined]
Spinshun [not yet
defined]
Spoonwrapper (n): A fool, an idiot or imbecile
of epic proportions.
Spralt [not yet defined]
Spreg
latch (n): The
spike which is often left on a turd after deployment which is caused by the
action of one's nipsy.
Squat-head (n,i): Term applied to a person, or a
person's condition, whose head aspect ratio is large due to excessive length
in the x-direction, giving rise to an oblate shape of head. The magician and
illusionist Paul Daniels is a prime example of a squat-head. Can also be used
as a taunt directed toward such an individual.
Sreggle (n): An object (usually a piece of paper or beermat) that is
placed under the leg of an object to make it level (e.g. desk top projector) or
to stop something wobbling (e.g. under the leg of a table in a pavement
restaurant).
Stauntster
(v): The exaggerated creeping movement carried out mainly by children,
cartoon characters or hammy actors and is characterised by large, soft steps,
with the top half of the body moving back and forth somewhat. The aim is to
proceed as quietly as possible and is often employed during accoo.
Stethim (n): The collective term for a group of youngsters who are making
out with members of the opposite sex (usually in public places). Couples tend to
partake in krasp embraces, and there is often
a binf or two.
Stoat-venting
(pr. ptpl): The farting one experiences just prior to having a dump.
Stobbint [not yet defined]
Stobstalt
(n): The jerky head movement of a crawling baby. Also used to address
the crawling baby, as in "come and get your milk, Stobstalt!"
Stugg (n): An
individual who takes up a seat before ordering food (e.g. in MacDonalds or
M&S), which prevents others who have food from finding a table. What these
selfish oafs don’t realise is that the general flow of customers means they
would get a seat regardless.
Stuyvesant (i): In cricket, a term used
to indicate that the team you support are about to bowl at the start of an
innings, and is an expression aimed at encouraging your team (through the telly)
to create pressure on the new batsmen, as in "Come on boys! Stuyvesant!". Can be
shortened to Stuyvzy.
Sweg
(n): The pronounced fattening around the anterior midsection prevalent in
elderly men. The sweg is hemispherical in shape, begins just below the solar
plexus and ends in (and normally encompasses) the genito-urinary tract area. The
establishment of the sweg normally requires the wearing of dabroompers.
Swelph [not yet
defined]
Teg (n): The protuberance at the back of the
skull formed by the confluence of the occipital and parietal bones. Teg extent
can vary enormously. The smallest tegs can be seen on thug-like characters e.g.
Phil Mitchell from Eastenders (who, incidentally, normally sport thugwrinkles).
Although fictional and non-human, the best example of a teg can be seen on the
alien in the eponymously titled film.
Tethy (adj):
The anhydrous feeling experienced when putting a dry porous material (such as
cotton wool) in one's mouth.
Thoibin (n,i): An occasion where one proceeds
to have a poo, only to realise that there is no loo roll. Also used as a exclamation
when this occurs. Thoibin in work/public toilets inevitably results in phrunging.
Thugwrinkle (n): The wrinkle evident at
the lower back of a shaven or balding head, especially when there is looseness
of skin usually caused by weight training or the consumption of too many
bakewell tarts. Thug wrinkles are accentuated at public displays such as air
shows or firework displays, where individuals are required to lift their heads
to view the entertainment.
Tinfus (n):
The high frequency sound that one can often hear when first switching on the TV
set caused by the cathode ray tube warming up.
Tiont
(n,i): The relief experienced when one's ear (which may have been
blocked for days even weeks) finally becomes unblocked. The after effect
(lasting a couple of minutes) is extremely clear hearing (it is said that some
can hear snow landing on one’s collar).
Tolleb [not yet defined]
Tolluge [not yet
defined]
Toodang [not yet defined]
Trambrod [not yet
defined]
Tranzitta [not yet defined]
Tredegar flaps (n): Floppy hair (not
going beyond jaw level) on either side of an individual's face. Example:
Jonathan Ross.
Tree-poo
(n): See loomis.
Trilstrum (n): The shelf just inside ones front
door where old 'phone books, Indian take-away menus, bits of junk mail, free
newspapers, Betterware catalogues and any general detritus that gets put
thorough ones letterbox collects. This usually leads to getting berated by ones
missus as in "God Almighty Sammy! Can you clear up that bloody trilstrum 'cos
it's driving me crackers!"
Tromscridd [not yet defined]
Tronbog
[not yet defined]
Tronsiggle (n): When someone has worn glasses for a long period of time and
then they have contact lenses or laser treatment, and their face just doesn't
look right without glasses (e.g. Jack Straw).
Trope [not yet
defined]
Trube [not yet defined]
Trumpet-gob (n,i): Term applied to a person, or a
person's condition, whose lips exhibit excessive puckeredness as if playing an
invisible trumpet or sucking on an invisible straw. Can also be used as a taunt
directed toward such an individual.
Tubert
(n): The small silver coloured hemispheric studs found on the bottom
of musical instrument cases. In most situations, there are three tuberts present
in a cheppley
configuration; some may feel an urge to add a strip of gaffer tape for a
mouth.
Tyonph [not yet defined]
U
Ubf (n): The sound
produced when striking a hollow plastic tube.
Ulgrin
(a): Used to describe a white plastic object that has adopted a
yellowey tinge with age (not to be confused with things that fade due to direct
exposure to sunlight).
Ullaam [not yet defined]
Ungaff [not yet
defined]
V
Varchette (n): A stereotypical scene or situation
in an American movie, such as someone saying "I'm taking this down to the DA's
office", "I live stateside", or "she's been subpoenaed", but most commonly a
scene where an individual of Italian decent (wearing a sweaty vest) is attempting
to cross the road with a rack of clothes. A yellow taxi screeches to a stop
and sounds it horn. The individual bangs his hand on the bonnet, and both he
and the taxi driver frantically gesticulate and shout things like "hey! hey!
watch where you're going! No, you watch it!" at each other.
Varuche (adj): Description of a person who does
not hold open a door for one, even when one is only a few feet away from the
door and especially when one is carrying hot beverages. As in the phrase "He
just looked at me and let the door swing shut! How varuche is that?" See
also flusk.
Velusticker [not yet defined]
Vlejka (n): An aging female soup-maker of Balkan
descent, usually with drubbis
due to years of soup tasting. It is common for a Vlejka to say something such
as "Taste the soup....it's good, yes?" to enhance the purveyance of her concoction.
Vlib (v): To drive a motor vehicle sporting a
brondle without actually having a young child
or baby on board. If said vehicle is involved in an accident, it can lead to
the Emergency Services wasting an awful lot of time trying to cut non-existent
minors from the tangled wreckage. At the time of writing (it is hoped) there
is legislation being considered that will alleviate this problem by forcing
the driver to take down the brondle when a child is not on board, or more likely
banning brondles completely.
Vlim [not yet defined]
Voodelgorm (n): A unisex hair-style for hirsute
individuals based on the comb-over effect created by shaving the central section
of the top of the head, and by growing strands of hair long to create the quasi-combover.
Voomiztog [not yet defined]
Vroob [not yet defined]
Vunter (v): The action of scallies when they
are seen to be in some sort of perpetual motion and are unable to stand still
at all, and are constantly bouncing around. Vuntering is further characterised
by slight knee bends combined with the more obvious upward scally arm movement
and occasional head jerk.
W
Wemmice (n): The
reflex action occuring when mutual bymming
occurs, and results in true eye contact. This cycle is likely to repeat two or
three times, and usually leads to great embarrassment.
Wenk [not yet
defined]
Wew (v): The action of two people
performed when both are walking down a narrow corridor toward one another and
one person side-steps to allow the other person to pass, but the second person
does likewise in the same direction as the first, leading to a comical
mirror-image oscillation of bodies known as wewing. This is usually accompanied
by vocalisations such as "I'm sorry..." "..no, I'm sorry" etc. Also known as the
'shall-we-dance' phenomenon.
Wilguphette [not yet
defined]
Woltix [not yet defined]
Wugsst
(v): The act of approaching a high-head
(2) sufferer and pretending to repeatedly tap his/her nose with the
index finger, whilst making budgerigar noises. This is to indicate to the
individual that their appearance is synonymous with the raised facial crest of
an excited budgerigar.
Wumbon [not yet defined]
Y
Yarp [not yet defined]
Yask [not yet defined]
Yollatch [not yet defined]
Yollique (adj): Used to describe the aroma eminating
from an individual who has used a scent (e.g. aftershave, deodrant, perfume,
engine oil) to mask the smell of body odour (especially onion pits), therefore
dealing with the effects, rather than the causes of body odour. The degree of
yollique depends on how bad the initial body odour was and how much scent is
used, but grouquage
usually exceeds 5Gq, (as too much aftershave becomes overpowering and thus increases
the grouquage.)
Yull (n): An electric socket whose switch has been
left in the 'on' position, without any appliance plugged in.
Yullem (v): The use of an electric socket and
an appliance in a public place aimed to create consternation and bewilderment
amongst members of the public, e.g. a vacuum cleaner on Merseyrail Underground,
or a hair dryer in your local bank.
Z
Zebbakh (v): The collective term for stereotypical attributes applied to persons of Jewish extraction, as in the phrase "Ach, do not worry about what the other boys say to you at school Jeremiah, it's all just zebbakh!"
Zorkby (n): The guilty feeling one gets when inadvertently stepping on and crushing a snail. Zorkby is often used as an exclaimation when doing so.
